Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i believe in u and ur pee
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
