I got chris browned last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
