Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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