She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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