Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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