at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
