jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
