I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
