If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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