I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
