Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
