I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
