the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
