So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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