WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
