I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
