What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
