I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
