Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
