So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
