K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
