dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
