just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
