Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
