i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
