I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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