This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
