oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
