I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
