My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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