Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
