if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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