So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
