Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
