I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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