he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
