I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
