My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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