Need sex. Gaining weight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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