I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
