I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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