Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
