he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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