How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
