I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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