Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You need Xanax blowdarts
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
