I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
