I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
