So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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