I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So much rum. So many feels.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
