ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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