Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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