just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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