I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
