Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
