If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We have started to decorate penises.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
